OMGosh. I can’t believe they just commented that…..

Ok, I know you’ve seen them.  The comments on Facebook that are just so….. rude.  Mean spirited.  Downright nasty.  I’ve almost come to expect it on news pages with hot topics like politics or blogs like the famous Matt Walch’s. But more and more I am seeing hateful comments on decorating and painting sites.  “Creative” pages if you will.  And it makes me wonder when on earth did we decide it’s ok to type whatever opinions come to our mind?  It’s not wrong to think something is ugly, but it’s just so meannnnnnnnnnnnnnn to type it. For instance, I was admiring a great piece of painted furniture from {createinspire} on Hometalk the other day and my mouth dropped open at the comments.  There was name calling y’all ….. over furniture!!!!    I so badly wanted to comment…. “girls, girls…. it’s JUST paint”.   It blows my mind. But then I really began to think about it and really began to ask for clarity on the rash of negative Facebook comments concerning projects and painting.  And I had many things come to mind that I want to share with you:

  • First, our society is a feel – good society that often does what feels good at the moment.  For some people, it’s not about the paint.  They  just need to tear someone else down in order to feel themselves being elevated. It’s the new bully on the block if you will.  We have to remember it’s an issue on their end.  It’s got nothing to do with the color you just painted that piece Sweet Pickin’s.  Ignore them.  Your work is thebomb.com.
  • Other times, commenters are just looking for a fight.  They want a verbal banter and when you engage them, you feed them.  Starve their power trip with NO comments back and they will take their toys and eventually go to someone else’s sandbox.
  • I honestly think that deep, deep down we ALL have a desire to be known and to be heard.  Social media is a way for people to be “heard” yet still allowing them animosity.  So they can comment, with no risk of a fist fight.  Ha.  But honestly, there are people who feel like they have no voice.  No voice at home, no voice at work, no voice in their life.  They want SOMEONE to hear and pay attention to them.  Social media allows them to be heard.  And when you think of it that way, you almost feel badly for the hateful commenter.  Not excusing it, just explaining it.
  • And sometimes the truth is …. people just have a rough day. And they take it out on stranger’s Facebook pages where there will be no repercussions.  I know I have received more than one negative comment on my Facebook page before that was later followed up by an apology from the commenter.  I love that.  I’m sure we can ALL relate to saying and typing things that we later regret.

So how do I handle negative commenters?  My page has almost 200,000 fans on it, so I get my share of negativity!  ha!  The majority of the time, I do nothing.  But, I do have a few personal rules that I want to share with you that may help you navigate any negativity on your page:

  • First, you are in control of your page. You have the God-given ability to “ban and delete”.  Learn how to use that function. Your page = your rules.  One of my rules is that I don’t tolerate cursing.  You cuss on my page and you get a “modern-day mouth washing” in the form of a “ban and delete”.  Bye-bye.
  • If you tell a dirty joke in the comments of my page, you will also be deleted.  I know that sounds totally random, but it’s happened more than once on my page.  Go figure.
  • When it comes to some people just not liking your personal creations, just remember negative commenting is similar to bad Hollywood behavior.  Think of it as any publicity is good publicity.  In all honesty, if you are getting negative comments about your piece of painted furniture…. it’s at least a comment.  And comments help your post stay in Facebook’s feed, so that is a plus.  And more than likely you will get more positive comments in response to the negative comments which brings me to my next point….
  • Let your fans fight for you.  My fans are like junkyard dogs….. the smell a stinker on my page and they are all over them. And I love them for it.  I usually never have to say anything because my loyal, faithful, sweeeeeeeeeet fans (I could just eat you all up) will comment for me.  God Bless them. They are the best.
  • Sometimes we may just have to get tougher skin.  I posted the most bomb-diggity fireplace mantle ever the other day that I glazed and was shocked that 80-some comments later….. a ton of my followers didn’t like it.  At  one time years ago on my page,  I may have been tempted to freak out and wonder if they were right and hesitate to post the next time…… but then I remembered, that mantle I just glazed looked amazing.  Like the “I totally wanted to marry it” kind of amazing.  I ignored the comments. They are looking at just one little picture.  I got to take in the whole house and see it in person.  You almost have to tell yourself “blah, blah, blah” as a form of self-protection and move on.  Don’t overthink it or you’ll second guess your talent.

And so in closing, if you have a business page and are upset by some of the comments you are getting, just remember the larger your page gets, the more comments you will get and  the more comments you get, the more likely you are to get haters.  Ignore them.  But there are a few things you personally CAN do to help CHANGE Facebook behavior for the good:

  • Never comment negatively on other pages or post negatively about someone else’s work or their business. We reap what we sow.  If you want God’s blessing on YOUR business, then you’d better be a blessing to others on their pages.
  • And we need to be sure we teach our children what some adults still don’t realize….  the golden rule applies to social media, if you can’t type anything nice, just don’t TYPE anything at all.

Creatives…. listen up!  I want you to remember what I put on my Facebook page yesterday morning.  As a woman, the enemy hates you because you bring life.  When you are a creative woman, the enemy hates you because you bring beautiful to the world.  When you are a female entrepreneur in the creative world…. the enemy will work OVERTIME to convince you your talent is not good enough because he wants to deter you from creating again.  Fight that.  Remember the enemy works thru people to discourage us and sometimes….. those people are hateful Facebook commenters. So, learn to ignore it.  Keep going.  Keep creating your little socks off and the haters will eventually move along.

This world needs you.

I’m rooting for you,

Jennifer

If you’re feeling looking to make MORE money in or even START your creative business please consider joining my Inner Circle. It’s a monthly mentorship that will help you succeed in your creative business.

14 comments
  1. Shanna Gilbert
    Shanna Gilbert
    September 17, 2014 at 5:38 pm

    Great post Jennifer! I have been shocked several times on the rude comments people have posted on my projects. Seems anytime I paint any MCM pieces (no matter how beat up they are) people attack. The Hometalk forum seems to be the worst at bringing out the haters. It is nice when you see your readers rally around and defend you. The thing is 90% of these people would never say these ugly things to your face so I don’t get why they think it’s alright to do online. Do I always like every project I see on others blogs? Of course not, so I simply click out of it and move on to something else. It’s just sad that they have hatred in their hearts and they feel the need to make others feel bad.

  2. Billie Simmons
    Billie Simmons
    September 17, 2014 at 7:25 pm

    I like what you put on your site. Wish I could do just a little of some things you can with a paint brush . If I don’t care for some, that is because it is not my style but someone probably like it. I wouldn’t tell you that it is ugly.

  3. Jennifer Allwood
    Jennifer Allwood
    September 17, 2014 at 8:49 pm

    You do great work Shanna! Keep it up! xoxo

  4. Dana Tucker
    Dana Tucker
    September 17, 2014 at 9:31 pm

    LOVE, LOVE THIS!! Sharing on my page. I totally love HOMETALK but their commenters can be brutal!! Great post on a timely topic 🙂

  5. Kelly Jack
    Kelly Jack
    September 17, 2014 at 11:16 pm

    So far we haven’t had any meanness on our FB posts of or re-dos on our business page, but we have dealt with our share of nasty customers. As a Southern girl I could EASILY get real “southern” on them REAL fast,

  6. Kay Stutes
    Kay Stutes
    September 18, 2014 at 2:47 am

    I really enjoy your posts on Facebook and reading your blog. You are so encouraging. Thank you.

  7. Lory at Designthusiasm
    Lory at Designthusiasm
    September 18, 2014 at 7:32 am

    I love this post so much (I want to marry it… ;-))!! The funny thing is, I’m fairly new to the whole blogging thing (3 months), so I’m only very recently aware of the negative comments. It seems particularly prevalent on Hometalk, especially their Facebook page, and since I’ve just started posting on HT and being featured on their FB page, I’m suddenly aware of it. Just his morning I was thinking about this – while at first the negatives drove me nuts, it’s become almost a source of entertainment. Like it’s my new hobby to read how crazy people can be. So far I haven’t had a lot of ‘mean’ stuff, so much as stupid stuff. I’m incredulous how many people comment that white furniture is hard to clean. The bizarre part is who looks at an inspirational picture and wonders about pragmatics like cleaning? What do they care if I need to have my furniture cleaned? The other bizarre comment I’m getting a lot of is people who feel what I’ve posted is too expensive, as if there’s some budget constrictions in place in Blog Land. What ever happened to “inspiring up”?

    I actually have a theory about this behavior. Of course, it’s obvious that hiding behind anonymity brings out some pretty nasty stuff. But beyond that, I feel that people are so used to reality shows and their convention of rating everything, that they think this is normal behavior. I had one woman comment this morning that she was “not impressed” by the apartment I decorated for my son. My underlying thought was, “I’m not required to impress you.” I posted my son’s actual apartment and it’s totally cool if you don’t like it, but it sure is weird to take the time to type it. The notion that everything they see needs to be rated is an utterly bizarre one.

    And finally, the most curious aspect of the commenting is the insidious anger that some people wield in their comments. If you must weigh in on a project you don’t like, learn how to state it graciously and with at least an inkling of class. Lacing your comments with fury betrays, I think, more complex emotions than run closer to jealousy than anything else. .. 😉 Thanks for the thought provoking post!!

  8. Sheryll
    Sheryll
    September 18, 2014 at 10:57 am

    I think some people can hide behind the computer, some are also very unbalanced, some group together and attack. After running a Missing Person’s Page for several years I have had them call me at home. We no longer have a house phone, I was threatened, had my life investigated and published by people I don’t even know. The problem with a few people is they have time to investigate your life and it is scary what they can do with it. After two years of constantly dealing with this people I stepped down. My privacy, home and life felt invaded by strangers saying horrific things and doing horrific things to the family of the missing woman and the people that ran the page. My first instinct was to block them. I didn’t do that hindsight is 20/20 it is also kind of like the heckler at the fair. The last straw was one of them was coming to my home, they published my address and invaded my privacy once again, around this time Chicago Tribune feature our missing persons page on their news about the craziness that was going on. It was no longer about the missing woman. It was about fussing and fighting. So I quit. And Beth Bentley is still missing, thanks for letting me spew it out

  9. dianntha
    dianntha
    September 18, 2014 at 12:27 pm

    One other thought. We have stopped teaching our children (who are now adults) manners. We have thought them that it is ok to say whatever you think. We are reaping those rewards. Let’s hope at some point manners come back into fashion.

  10. Pam
    Pam
    September 19, 2014 at 2:35 am

    Well said!!!! Thank you

  11. Carol
    Carol
    September 22, 2014 at 5:46 pm

    Good word. Had a lot of folks get negative comments that cut them deep for whatever reason. And not always because someone painted it the wrong direction… so this is awesomely put and I plan to share it on so those I minister to can see its a “just because” situation.

  12. Leta
    Leta
    September 23, 2014 at 3:40 am

    I am so sad that you have been through so much. I think there are just so many people with empty hearts that need to be filled with Christ’s love and mercy. Anyway, I pray you will be blessed. I admire Jennifer’s personal and professional options. I appreciate how you help others.

  13. April
    April
    October 5, 2014 at 5:35 pm

    I was reading the comments on one of my favorite interior designer’s blog recently. I started to laugh out loud when I saw several negative comments on her post on how to arrange a bookcase. Really people? Normally I wouldn’t comment, but I felt like she deserved defending. I don’t have any negative comments yet, but I’m ready.

  14. Tiarra
    Tiarra
    October 10, 2014 at 7:21 pm

    So – I have to respond to this post and let you know……GOOD JOB! Thank you for writing this. You are so right on, and it doesn’t matter WHAT the subject is – some individuals think it’s their duty to be negative and rude. I really appreciate this article; very apropos.

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