In December, my firstborn celebrated his 9th birthday. My Mom reminded me last week that I hadn’t done a blog post for his birthday like I had my other 2 kiddos. I told her I had started the post and just need to finish it. And so here it is….in all it’s rawness. It’s only 2 months late.
Becoming a mother for the first time 9 years ago was a terrifying, beautiful experience. I had no idea motherhood would be so fulfilling and so hard at the same time. It has been, in the words of an old friend, “an endless opportunity for guilt and worry”.
Noah is strong willed and smart and verbal and a boy’s boy……and yet probably the easiest to wound of all my kids.
He is a lover of justice……and sees things as either black or white. I suspect he will make a great attorney some day.
He is a pleaser and a jokester and a mini version of my husband whom I adore.
Noah is a child who is often misunderstood. His love language is gifts, which could be misinterpreted as greed. But, he is not greedy. Instead he is actually very generous.
His other love language is “words of affirmation”. He loves to be built up and remembers when he has been cut down. He is sensitive to tone and body language and will ask me to not give him “those eyes” as his eyes fill with tears. It’s an interesting combination when he appears so confident and self assured on the outside, but is so tender on the inside.
Noah is my child who I feel like is least like me. Sometimes that is good; sometimes it is challenging. It is always stretching me and keeping me on my knees.
He has taught me much about being a mom. I had no idea there would be so much to learn. Noah baby, here are just some of the things you have taught your momma…..
- He taught me labor pains are NOT in your stomach.
- He has taught me the importance of admitting that I….the adult….is wrong at times. I often have to apologize to him. For snapping at him. For misunderstanding him. For judging him wrongly. For giving him “the eyes” that I know wound him. For making him feel lesser than. For sometimes just letting my frustration get the best of me.
- He has taught me that when it comes to kids……more is CAUGHT than TAUGHT.
- He has taught us that to a certain degree we can mold our children. But, they really are born with personalities and tendencies that are just God given.
- He taught me to never again say “when I have kids I will never…..(whatever)”. Yeah right. You will eat your words at some point.
- He has taught me the importance of journaling, scrapbooking and taking pictures. They grow so fast. You think you will remember every cute thing they say and do and you just don’t.
- He taught me eating whatever you want during your first pregnancy will still be kicking you in the a$$ 9 years later.
- Noah has shown me a momma-bear side of myself that I didn’t know even existed pre-kids. It’s amazing the feelings that a Mom can have wanting to protect her young.
- He has taught me that a child’s actions are not always the result of their child’s parenting.
- He has shown me that when a child is very grown up in certain aspects of his personality that people, including myself, will wrongly think he should be that mature in other areas. Yet, even I have to remind myself, he is still a child with a child’s feelings.
- He showed me that breastfeeding is NOT the most easy, natural thing in the world….but so worth it.
- I learned real fast that colic sucks.
- Noah continues to show me that the line between wanting my children to be brave/ready for the world and yet wanting to shelter them is so blurred.
- I have learned that to some degree, it’s ok to negotiate with my children. In the real world, communication and negotiation happens. I want to set my kids up for good conflict resolution skills….it will impact every aspect of their life.
- He has taught me I can’t parent without the Lord. Period.
- He has helped me to give grace to my own parents…..they too were first time parents to ME….and doing, like me, the very best they could.
- He has taught me what it’s like to love something so much it almost hurts some days. I never knew love like that before becoming a mom.
Noah is my child who has taught me most about myself. The good, the bad and the ugly. I pray God will honor the attempts we have made to parent him, as well as our other kids, in the best way we know how. This child rearing stuff isn’t easy , but he is worth every second.
Happy belated 9th Birthday Noah!
I love him fiercely.