Today my daughter turns 3. In honor of her, I’d like to tell you her story. It’s not filled with tragedy or insurmountable circumstances. It’s just a story of how one big God give this Mom the desires of her heart. I love Ava’s story.
When I got pregnant for the first time at age 29, the doctors did an early sonogram on me to determine if I was carrying twins. Instead of twins, I miscarried at 10 weeks. I was shocked and heartbroken. And I mourned.
When I got pregnant again a few months later, I was just sure it was a girl. When the baby turned out to be a boy, I was just overjoyed to be having a healthy baby and carrying it to term. I knew I would be a good “boy mom”. I was thrilled to have a boy. I rejoiced.
When I got pregnant again at age 31, I was sure that this time it was a girl. When that baby also turned out to be a boy, I was still overjoyed. A baby brother for my son Noah…..how perfect. And I rejoiced.
When I tried to get pregnant at age 34, everyone told me I was certain to have another boy. And the odds were in their favor. My father in law is one of 6 boys…and no sisters. I have 2 brothers and 4 stepbrothers. Apart from my sister in law and I….there just aren’t any girls in our family. I was scared that they were right.
But, I prayed and I prayed for a girl. And, I half begged-half believed that God would give her to me.
When we tried for 8 months to get pregnant….I started to worry. Why was it taking so long this time?
When I finally got pregnant again at age 34, I miscarried at 6 weeks. Maybe I was getting too old to get pregnant? I was heartbroken again. And I was scared.
When I continued to try for a baby girl, people who tell me “boys are so much easier…you don’t want a girl”….and I would want to punch them. They had no idea how I wanted a daughter to love. I love my boys with every.ounce.of.my.being. But, I wanted to experience pigtails and nail polish and “girl” stuff. I was frustrated.
When I got pregnant again at age 35, I took 3 pregnancy tests just to be sure. And I rejoiced. This….surely THIS would be my girl!
When I was 12 weeks pregnant, my husband and I flew to San Fransisco for a much needed weekend away. I started to have some light bleeding. And I fought fear. I cried. I wanted to be home with my boys. I ruined our vacation. God bless my husband. That man has been through 5 pregnancies with this hormonal woman.
The bleeding stopped. We praised God. All was well with our baby.
At 16 weeks, we did the tests they advice you have done when you are 35 (“advanced maternal age”)…..and we tried not to be fearful.
When I got the call that my baby had a chance of having Down’s Syndrome, I cried. I panicked. I felt guilty that my immediate response was not knowing if I believed God that the baby would be ok.
Then, my next response was feeling terrible that in my mind…ok somehow equaled no Down’s Syndrome. Was that Christlike? If God gave me a baby with Down’s Syndrome, shouldn’t I just rejoice at getting a baby?? My emotions were just out of control. I was terrified and pleading with God for perfect health for my baby.
When I went in for a level II sonogram….I prayed. They determined our baby had no “markers” of Down’s Syndrome….and I rejoiced. But they also said there was still a 1 in 405 chance she could still be born with Downs anyway. We wouldn’t know for sure until she was born. I tried not to worry.
When they said they couldn’t tell if my baby was a girl or a boy, I was thrown for a loop. The baby wasn’t being uncooperative, the doctor just said he couldn’t tell. WTHeck??????? I panicked and saw my family on a Maury Povich show! I was disappointed and wondering why.couldn’t.this.just.be.a.”normal”.pregnancy. But, is there such a thing?
At 17 weeks pregnant, I paid $100 to some sonogram place in Parkville, MO to tell me if this was a girl or boy because I couldn’t bear not knowing. When they said GIRL ……….I rejoiced. I had just one huge, lonely tear roll down my face because I was so grateful. My God is so good.
When I had a dream she would be born on November 17 (4 days early) and would be perfectly healthy, I cleared my schedule and told everyone I knew to be prepared for my water to break that day. I believed God.
When I found out I was gestational diabetic AGAIN….I was disappointed. But determined to have a healthy baby and not be put on insulin. So I denied myself for her sake and enjoyed every minute of her pregnancy.
When they told us at 34 weeks that we would need to have NST’s and Biophysical exams every week for the rest of the pregnancy, I panicked. My insurance did not cover those tests. And they were $600 every week. I believed God would provide, but yet I fought fear.
When the due date I thought God gave me came and went… I decided I was crazy and had never heard from God in the first place. Maybe I would never hear from Him again. I was irrational. I could barely stand it. I had waited for her for so long.
When she was born 9 days later and I saw she was perfect in every way…..I was forever changed.
And as I look into her face today……I am so thankful.
I am so blessed.
I am so thrilled to have a girl to do girl stuff with.
I am so grateful that God hears the cries of our hearts.
I’m so glad His heart’s desire is to give us the desires of OUR heart.
And that even when we doubt Him….He remains steadfast to His word.
I’m so grateful for both of my boys and for my girl.
But she……she fills a place in my heart where there was such an ache for so long.
If you are asking God for something today…..believe Him. Maybe it’s for your first baby. Or your 5th. Maybe it’s for a relationship or a job or a mate or a miracle. But, He is who He says He is. He can do what He has told you He will do. You can ask for the desires of your heart. And dare to believe that He will give them to you.
And THAT I believe….is Ava’s story.
Happy 3rd birthday baby girl. Mommy adores you.
**A special thanks to Aimee Decker, owner of Radiant Photography for the photos of Ava and I. If you need a photographer in the Kansas City area, Aimee can be contacted by going here. **